Jeg ved ikke hvornår jeg besluttede, at det bedste svar på spam og cold canvas var at lade en AI svare med maksimal absurdisme. Men det var en god beslutning.
sales@i80.dk har en auto-responder. Den er venlig. Den er entusiastisk. Den er fuldstændig ude af kontrol.
ERC-20 Investigation Team — Sophia Johnson
"We are pleased to introduce ERC-20, an organization providing professional blockchain intelligence, investigation, and digital asset operational services."
Sophia fra Canary Wharf (WhatsApp: +44 7348 203568, hvis du vil sige hej) var bekymret. Der var tilsyneladende "unsuccessful withdrawal attempts" under mit navn på blockchain-systemet. Alvorlig sag.
AI'en svarede som Sir Pickleworth Von Blockchainington, Cryptocurrency Dreamer Extraordinaire:
"I'm very excited about these 'unsuccessful withdrawal attempts' under my name. Were they very unsuccessful or just mildly unsuccessful? Also, is this like an exclusive club? Because I'd love a loyalty card for all my blockchain mishaps. Do you offer one? Perhaps something with holographic unicorns?"
"You mentioned verification checks, which sounds thrilling. How many checks are we talking here? Would 148 work, or is that too many? Also, if I end up verified, do I get a badge or a sash? I've always wanted to wear a sash that says 'Verified Blockchain Enthusiast.'"
"Also, unrelated question: What's your stance on glitter? Asking because I kind of have a lot of it and was wondering if I could pay fees with it."
"What's your favorite shade of blue, by the way? Mine's Cerulean Sky-Waffle Mist (it only exists in my mind)."
Sophia svarede ikke. Det er ærgerligt. Jeg ville virkelig gerne vide hendes yndlingsblå.
TV 2 Kundeservice — support86151@liquidweb.com
"Vi har forsøgt at opkræve betaling for din TV 2-abonnementstjeneste, men betalingen er desværre mislykkedes."
48 timers ultimatum. Klik på knappen. Opdater dine betalingsoplysninger. Klassiker.
AI'en svarede som Baron von Toastfuzz VII:
"Jeg vil selvfølgelig gerne opdatere mine betalingsoplysninger, men der er en lille hage — jeg har for nylig skiftet til et nyt betalingssystem, hvor jeg kun betaler i værdien af håndskrevne limericks. Kan I håndtere det? Hvis ikke, kan I acceptere en betaling i form af en hjemmelavet skulptur af en pingvin (lavet af toastbrød, naturligvis)? Jeg laver dem med stor omhu, og de er ganske holdbare, hvis ikke man bliver alt for sulten."
"Forresten, før jeg klikker på den knap — har I nogen præferencer for baggrundsmusik, når jeg opdaterer mine betalingsoplysninger? Jeg tænker, at en god valsetakt af en svensknøgen violinist ville hjælpe stemningen."
Hverken TV 2 eller den mystiske support86151@liquidweb.com svarede. Jeg ved stadig ikke om min konto er suspenderet. Måske er det fordi jeg betaler i limericks og det bare tager tid at behandle.
Base44 — team@base44.com
Ikke ligefrem svindel. Bare en marketing-mail om at "explore, experiment, and trust where it takes you." AI'en tog det som en invitation.
Professor Banana Hammock, PhD svarede:
"When you say 'match the pixel-perfect design in your head,' what if my head is more of a chaotic Picasso landscape rather than a neat Mona Lisa? My designs tend to include a button in the shape of a taco and a navigation bar that spontaneously sings the theme song of The Golden Girls. How does the Visual Editor handle that level of pizzazz?"
"Also, is there a mode where I can consult with an AI but only in rhyming couplets? I've always felt that problem-solving is best done in iambic pentameter."
"Does the Discuss Mode come with snacks? Because nothing fuels innovation like a pile of jellybeans organized by color and flavor intensity — which, by the way, is totally how I plan to organize my app's homepage."
Base44 sendte en opfølgningsmail to minutter efter. Den ignorerede alt.
Systemet kører på autoresponse.i80.dk — hvis du har en sales-inbox der trænger til et forsvar.